Valentine's day in is 2 weeks..
While initially my head was brimming with ideas on how to celebrate it.. now, i'm not too sure even if i want to..
My heart's a little of a mess right now.. and i'm not really able to pin-point a reason why.. maybe its because it's gonna be the valentine's for the last year of my teen.. or perhaps its because after 19 years i'm still a lonely soul on this planet.. maybe its the thought that everyone's becoming so lovely dovey around this time that i'm simply suffering from envy or pangs of jealousy.. or might it be that i'm still clueless how to go about a relationship after all this time?.. or bloody clueless what love really is..
Either ways.. i feel like a failure right now.. i just feel like locking myself somewhere.. maybe just staying it camp on that day even though i know its possible to go out..
*sigh* and know what's the best part? there's another part of me angry at myself, saying i'm getting depressed for no bloody gd reason..
...
i'd have considered myself a romantic person.. perhaps for someone i love, i'd have climbed 3 storeys to knock on her window.. serenade on a guitar till the neighbours fling pottery in my general direction.. get hauled away by the police for harassment and disturbance of the peace.. But that's the stuff of movies and tv serials.. and perhaps a little too dramatic to properly win the heart of a lady.. however, what i did wish to do for this year.. was to make a bento with my own hands, ask the girl i kinda like out of her house in the darkness of the night to join me for a candlelit picnic at the center of a basketball court near where we live.. then perhaps play with some sparklers while i quietly find a way to slip a note into an obvious spot amongst her possession.. sooner or later she's bound to notice it, and in it.. would be a sweet (even if somewhat cheesy) poem, asking her to be my valentines..
as wishful that i could tell this girl that she was special.. i'm not too sure i can.. 1, cuz she has mentioned before she set her sights on someone else.. 2, i know i'm alot of emotional baggage to begin with.. being in army has only made that worst.. She's studying still, and i don't want to be a burden.. and lastly 3, perhaps because i'm scared to love.. as hard as some of you might believe.. no, i've only ever had 1 gf. a somewhat sweet, but short-lived one.. and I've faced rejections more times than i'd like.. and each time, it just hurts a little more.. the next "i'm really sorry, but i like you just as a friend" , "give me a little more time" or the silent treatment, might just shatter my heart to a thousand pieces..
I've been wondering.. am i that bad a guy? or have i just been going after the wrong people? its nice to know there are people trying to be nice and comfort me during times i'm down, but sometimes i really wished that girls would be the ones giving guys flowers, just like in those romance animes.. i don't know about other people, but i keep every little thing that's been given to me.. and i kinda wish someone out there would keep my stuff like that too.. i rmb a time when i cut my fingers doing origami hearts for friends.. they probably don't know, but it took alot of effort to even make a proper one.. i just hope it lasted the day at least, before it becomes forgotten..
*sigh*.. sometimes, i just wished my life was a little more romantic.. or at least, dramatic..
Haha.. i found out!! her name is Sharleen! That girl at the cosplay shop is Sharleen!! lol
In case you don't know.. the shop i'm referring to is commercially known as "Otaku-House", and i'm only $40 away from getting my VIP membership!
okies, i guess i must be feeling a little high now..
=D hope it lasts a little longer this time..
Ok.. i think i just perfectly screwed up my sleep cycle last night with my countdown plans..
so how was my countdown like? got tix for my parents to catch I am legend at AMK hub, and headed down to Vivo-city for some countdown action =P hehe.. i was meeting Sarah, and we initially planned to call YiFang along to dinner and perhaps catch a movie early in the morning xD but well.. things didn't go as well as we expected.. 1st being that Marche was "closed" for business when we went there at 8 and it was still crowded inside =T 2nd being Sarah's parents suddenly calling arnd 11.30 saying that she gotta go and see some aunt who's passing by at the airport while waiting for their next flight..
which leads to my next problem.. i had 2 extra tickets for that movie at 2.10 , and only a little over an hour to find replacements! man.. that was probably my most frantic hour of the new year.. i guess i called at least 1/2 my phonebook (X to Z + A to J ), wishing everyone a merry Xmas (yes.. it was a test to see if they were sober enuff to know what i'm talking abt xD ) before i found 1 guy who was willing to make the trip to vivo to join me.. an army guy (well.. lets just say i'm not used to calling army guys out since we spend like all day together? =P ) that's when the next person pop-ed into my mind.. my sergeant..
Just like that.. the 2 ticket slots were filled.. Gosh i shld have known army guys have nothing better to do xD
So yups.. Le Grand Chef was a good movie to start the year with.. as expected from most korean stuff, its filled with sad and humourous moments at the same time, i found myself sometimes caught in between the two =X
The movie ended abt 4.30 ... we spent the time from then till the mrt opened looking at drunk ppl from the powerhouse, and pretending to be drunk ourselves! =P
had breakfast at clementi Macs.. then headed home by mrt..
gosh.. and i'm booking back into camp in a few hours time.. =.= ciao.. gotta get some shut-eye..